Big Brother G

That's right, time to pull out the chalkboard again!

We're so excited to announce that we're expecting Baby number 2 on or around September 28, 2014!

I've been feeling pretty good so far, just some morning (evening) sickness and a lot of fatigue. We found out about a week after my gallbladder surgery, but our doctor assured us that it was so early that there shouldn't be any ill effects and all the medicines I was on afterwards were safe. We've been dying to tell everyone and yesterday we got to hear the heartbeat! It sounded just like a horse galloping along. It's starting to feel real! (Plus, I can now start wearing my maternity shirts, because you do start showing earlier the second time)

Note on the photo: My idea was that you'd be able to see the "Maternity Clothes" sign on the box, but hopefully the idea came across. This was one of the few where G wasn't running around or with his back to us. Nonetheless I think it turned out pretty cute--already exhausted by the idea of a sibling ;)

"Being a big brother is already exhausting!"

This was about the 5th time unpacking and "repacking" the box of clothes

How far along: 10 weeks

Total weight gain: -7 lb

Maternity Clothes: I'm a little bloated and showing a bit, so I can get away with them, but they're not necessary yet

Sleep: I'm having trouble falling and staying asleep. I get up at least twice a night

Best moment: Hearing the heartbeat
Miss anything: Margaritas, sushi

Movement: Baby, no. Mama, no. I have an appointment with a PT to look at my hip pain, which is back with a vengeance

Cravings: Jelly Bellys, Sprinkles cupcakes (Atlanta is the closest!), blackberries, veggies

Queasy: Every evening, starting around 3 pm and first thing in the morning. If I don't keep something in my stomach it's worse

Symptoms: Morning sickness, fatigue, hip pain

Looking forward to: Everything! I'm excited to be pregnant again and so excited for G to be a brother!! I can't wait til I get some energy back!

Lentil Soup

Is there anything as amazingly comforting as soup? The correct answer is NO.

Anyone who knows me will tell you I'm a soup freak! It can be 90 degrees outside and I'll be curled up in a blanket with soup. Ramen is one of my favourites, but I have a pretty wide repertoire for soup. Greek avgolemano, shrimp bisque, shrimp and corn chowder, egg drop, I love them all! I bought some lentils to try to make my own lentil soup, and the weather has been cooperating by being chilly. James was going out of town for the weekend, and  figured it was the perfect time to try the recipe that was full of some of his not-so-favourite foods. My mom sent me the recipe below, with some of the modifications she had made to it. I made some further modifications and ended up with a soup that G ate two bowls of!

Instead of the porcini and portobello mushroom, I just chopped up 8 oz of regular white button mushrooms and added them in step two. The microwave thing was weird to me but it worked really well. I left my carrots pretty chunky since I just cut up baby carrots. G liked that, but I think I'd have preferred them more minced. Instead of fishing out the bacon after cooking, I crumbled  up the 4 slices of bacon and left them in. I also don't like Swiss chard, so I substituted frozen, chopped spinach instead, and I think it turned out great. I didn't add any salt or pepper, and didn't serve it with oil, but I did top it with parmesan.

One thing I did notice was that with all the stuff in the crockpot, it was almost overflowing, and since I was cooking it on high, it spilled a little and ended up hissing a bit. The dogs thought some creature had gotten into the house and I was wondering if there was a squirrel in the stove vent somehow (you never know here!) Eve after the lentils had absorbed a lot of the liquid, there was still a full crockpot left. We'll have delicious leftovers for a while, and I'm planning on freezing some of it for another week.


If you try it, let me know how it goes! So here's the original, from Slow Cooker Revolution:

16 Months

My little babe is growing up way too fast. I'm constantly hearing his feet tapping on the floor as he runs around the house, never holding still for more than a few seconds at a time. Curious and inquisitive, we constantly hear "wass dees?" and he's forever pulling things out and [sometimes] putting them back.

Challenges: separation anxiety, tantrums, lack of weight gain
Triumphs: sippy cups (1 bottle at night), adventurous palate, cuddles
Words: "wass dees," "uppy," (puppy) "oose," (Moose) "ip," (Pippin we think) "up!," "dada," (this refers to everything) "bah bah" (bye bye)
Favourite toys: Little People ark, pretend food from Ikea, LeapFrog Scout dog, big bouncy balls. He's still a very independent player, but will bring you things, asking "wass dees?" Books are also a hit, but he only holds still for a page or two
Firsts: running, haircut, ear infection

I'm so grateful that G is an adventurous eater. Even though he fusses when we first sit down, if we continue to eat, he will eventually want to join in. He loves anything he can hold, and especially anything he can dip. He still won't feed himself; he'll try maybe once a week, but since he usually dumps the food before it gets to his mouth, he's perfectly happy to be fed. He's had spicy orange chicken with a couscous salad and lentil soup lately. He eats really well, but has barely gained a pound since we moved, and the doctor wants us to focus on upping his calories (butter on everything!) I was pretty tiny though too, so I'm trying not to worry because I know he's getting plenty of food. I honestly think he's just so active that he burns off the calories as fast as we can get them in him. He literally runs circles around me in the kitchen!

Lately, he's been ridiculously cuddly! He's been giving hugs and kisses, wanting to constantly sit in our laps or be held, holds onto our legs when we're standing and is just all about being a lovebug lately. I have been enjoying the heck out of this! It melts my heart to see him run toward my open arms or have him crawl into my lap or smile when I kiss his cheek.

G has an ear infection, diagnosed after I brought him in for a cough that just won't stop. He's still coughing at night, but the doctor seemed to think if we take care of the ear infection it might help the cough since it's not in his lungs. Luckily, G is awesome at taking medicine, and seems to like the disgustingly sweet bubble gum flavour of his antibiotic. He'll still fight a syringe pretty stubbornly, but he likes the little measuring cup and was even upset a few nights ago because there wasn't more!

My surgery went really well! It's been a month and I'm still a tad bit sore, but the nausea is gone and I'm feeling so much better than before! I was up and about the next day (up and about=shower and walking to the kitchen and back). James was wonderful; he took care of everything while I was getting my energy back, did wonderfully with G and understood when all I felt up to eating was rice or pasta stars (and would cook them for me). Life has been pretty good. I'm still getting over my Christmas cold; it seems to keep coming back, but I'll kick it eventually. The weather has been decent and we missed the snow when we went out to California to visit my parents (G did really well with the time change and the stress of a missed flight and lost car seat!) All in all, a pretty good month and I think we're adjusting pretty well!

16 months. I have no idea how he got his arm out.

Pick me up!

Being Honest about Motherhood

There is a notion out there, propogated by the media, social networking sites and nostalgia/romanticising, that motherhood is natural, and easy. This is society's biggest lie. It almost feels like a taboo subject to be writing about, but motherhood is HARD. It is by far the the hardest thing I have done in my life; harder than moving cross-country, harder than labour, harder than saying no to ramen.

Being a mother is amazing and I wouldn't ever change my decision to have a baby. My heart could almost burst when G runs up to give me a hug or a kiss. Watching my little man sleep and listening to his soft snores melts that same heart. There is nothing like the love you have for a child. It is trite, but it is true--it's a love you can't understand until there's a child in your life. And on those days when you are confident, you are on top of the world and nothing can stop you or bring you down.

But there are difficult days too. There's two types of difficult days: baby-centred and mommy-centred. Baby-centred difficult days are those days when your child seems determined to be a hellion. These are the days you wonder what past transgressions merit this form of penance (I know mine, I was a babysitter's terror). Today was one of those days for us. G woke up in a foul temper and had three tantrums before we even left the house, tried to kick me when I attempted to put his shoes on, refused his milk and his medicine then screamed the entire way to school. Those days are tough, but you're dealing with a little person who is trying to figure out this whole life thing and has even less to go on than you do, so you can take a breath and count to ten and (usually) keep your temper.

The really hard days, the worst days are the ones that don't have anything to do with your babe's behaviour. They're the ones where you doubt yourself. The ones where you've convinced yourself that your child hates you and your partner resents you. The days you're absolutely certain that you are the worst mother on the face of the earth. I think it happens more than anyone will admit. I know I certainly don't advertise it when I have a day like that, and they happen more than I want to tell anyone.

The media we're bombarded with every day doesn't help. I read a quote about comparing your life to your facebook friends'; it's like comparing your behind-the-scenes with everyone else's highlight reel. There's a lot of truth to that, but it's hard to see when you're having one of those really crappy days. It's hard to remember when you see that mom's photos, you know the one: her child always smiles, never throws things and she still has time to make creative bento box style lunches. Green looks good on me, right? Pinterest is quite possibly the worst. My ideas on there have hardly ever been attempted, let alone completed, but pinterest makes it look like every mom spends her afternoons in creative, educational pursuits with her two year old who can speak three languages, while the baby is on a perfect nap schedule and sleeps 12 hours a night. Instead, I try to convince myself that the third episode of Jake and the Neverland Pirates will actually teach G good manners and contemplate ordering in dinner for the third time that week.

It's hard. Motherhood is hard. Anyone who tells you otherwise 1) has never been a mother or 2) has an abnormal changeling for a child or 3) should just be sainted for their patience already. Some days I don't know how I'm going to make it through. Some days I feel like I've got this motherhood thing down pat. Some days I want to curl up in bed and cry and some days a hug from my little man makes me feel like I could take on an army. In the end, I think we're all doing our best to raise our kids. There's been a lot of talk about moms not judging each other, but to be honest, I don't think that's the problem; some of the best support I have is from other moms. The mommy guilt isn't going to diminish until the media stops handing us the image of the perfect mother like some extravagantly wrapped gift.

So here's my mommy truth. I drop off my son at daycare in pyjama pants. I almost never get dinner on the table before 8 pm. My son sometimes runs out of clean socks and my living room hasn't been vacuumed in weeks. My name is Emmi Lawrence and I am an imperfect mother doing her damnedest. 

15 Months

We've officially got a toddler on our hands! G is toddling around the house and at daycare all day long, even running at times. We managed to get his first steps between James and I on video, and in the weeks since he has improved exponentially! His balance is much better, and he can stand and walk for longer periods of time. Socks and rogue blankets on the floor still trip him up a bit, and he's had one or two bad tumbles, but I love seeing him toddle around the living room. He's adorable, and he is so thrilled with himself for walking. Sometimes he'll stop and laugh and clap!

We've also switched day cares. He is so much happier at the new place; he's still a bit clingy when I drop him off, but he's so much happier and I can already tell it's a much better fit for him. It's so nice to see him smile and laugh when I pick him up instead of start crying. It's just a much better situation all around, and he's been sleeping through the night pretty steadily, with a small hiccup due to a nasty cold, which has left a lingering cough.

Alabama itself is beautiful. We've had two good thunderstorms and plenty of rain. I'd enjoy the rain more if it didn't flood the area by the wood stove (don't get me started on the house repairs) but it's been lovely to listen to the rain with a cup of tea at night. Despite the chaos of not being able to unpack yet, we did get Christmas up; we had our decorated (artificial) tree and James even put up lights on the house!

Christmas was great! Our nephew, Evan, was born on his due date 12/21, and I can hardly wait til we're able to see him in person. Until then, I've been cooing over the pictures on facebook! We had a small, relaxed Christmas with just the three of us opening the ridiculous amount of presents G had. He was so tired he almost fell asleep in his high chair for the second day in a row! James and I spent his nap assembling a cozy coupe car just to find out we'd done it wrong, and fought for a least an hour to disassemble the two incorrect wheels and reassemble it. He loves it though and will get into it on his own :)

My parents were able to come out the day after Christmas and stay through New Year's. We spent 6 days at camp for the winter sessions, called Winterwoods, which seems to have gone really well. Moving into camp is a bit of hassle with all the STUFF (and that's not including cooking things that are lacking in the cabins) but it was a good test for summer. We had a blast showing my parents around and crammed a lot into very few days. I was glad they got to see Beckwith and stay in the cabins with us, and they loved being able to watch G get better at walking and even talking (he says "Look!" now!)

There have been a few rough patches. Ever since we moved I haven't been able to eat anything without getting nauseous. I figured it was my normal stomach upsets until I had to sleep upright in the recliner one night because I was in too much pain if I laid down. Turns out my gallbladder was only functioning at 18% and I had to get it out. The recovery has gone pretty well, but more on that next month.

G is right on track according to the doctor. He says "this" all the time lately, sometimes asking "What's this?" "Dada" is said a lot, though it seems to apply to many different things, and he says something that sounds like "og" or "oggy" when he sees the dogs. He loves to play, but he's very independent. He'll bring you various things, but his favourite toys are a play kitchen GranGran and Granddaddy got him, the tinker toys from Grammy and Gaga and his cozy coupe car from his uncle, which he loves to crawl into while drinking his bottle and watching TV. He's been drinking from sippy cups regularly at day care, and doesn't take toys from other kids, though he gets very upset when his toys are taken from him. He's napping for about two hours from 11:30 and has a pretty good routine down. He's not doing very well at restaurants lately, unfortunately, and I'm not really sure what to do about it. He does well for about 15 minutes, then he's done. I think that's because that's about how long it takes him to eat at home, and we're usually so rushed that our dinner isn't ready or even cooked until after he's asleep. We've gotta get better at that. His tantrums are currently silent, but he goes kinda limp on the floor and you can't move him anywhere or get him to do anything. I hate it, but the best thing is to usually just walk away and let him decide he's done. For now, I'm just loving watching him toddle around whatever room he's in. He loves being mobile!

2013 in My Rearview

For the past four years, we have moved at least once a year. Three of those moves have taken place in December-January. 2013 was a bit different. We started the year moving out of that horrible apartment complex and back into the house in Orange, which was lovely. There was a lot of work to be done because college boys, but it was so nice to be there and it was fantastic to have the space and the backyard.

We watched G grow and change so much in his first year. He's no longer a little baby, but a little boy. I can't believe how grown up he looks and acts! It seems like he changes every day. Seeing all of his firsts has been awe-inducing in the best possible way.

It was a year of such huge changes. It seems so small when you write it down: I became a mother. But in real life, it is something all-consuming, magical, terrifying, and joyful. And everything changes in a profound way. It's something that I have trouble finding words for. It's everything at once: all the emotions you could possibly feel rolled up and stuffed inside a human body. Your baby takes up your time, and you have to fit all your adult life into the hours between baby's bedtime and your own. That's not a bad thing, but I have seen most Disney Jr episodes multiple times and would love it if he could watch Doctor Who with me. Or even sit through a movie :) It's wonderful and difficult, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

I continued to crochet and knit, continuing to teach myself new techniques and even writing (and selling!) my first patterns. I feel like I've finally found a crafting niche. Even though I'm still interested in other things and will continue to try other projects, I love working with yarn! I'm not a fast worker, and sometimes it's frustrating that I can't finish projects quickly, but there's something so satisfying about finally finishing a project, and especially seeing it in use! I'd love to find a group to knit or crochet with.

Our year seemed like it wouldn't be too different from our new normal as parents; I continued at my job, and James at his. We were settling into a good routine; I had G home the days I wasn't working, and he spent two days a week at the Infant Center, where he had a little girlfriend. Then James heard about this job at his old camp. They were looking for a summer camp director and diocesan youth minister. It sounded like it had been written for him; it utilized his degree in recreation management and his experience as a youth minister, it was Episcopalian and it was his home turf, since he grew up only three hours away. We both went out to interview, and James was offered the position.

Instead of waiting until December or January to move, we took off a week after G's first birthday and spent four days moving across the country. His new job paid for professional movers to pack us and move us which was a huge blessing, and in late October, we moved in. It's been difficult; I don't think anyone would tell you that moving cross-country is easy. It's hard and takes time to adjust, especially since I don't know anyone here and feel like I'm starting from scratch. But James is so happy, and seeing how much progress and success he's already had in three months is fantastic. His area gatherings are going well and Winterwoods was a huge success: there was even a waitlist for the middle school group!

I've been adjusting pretty well. Even though I haven't been able to find an Irish dance class, and the house repairs are driving me a bit crazy, there are new adventures to be had here. I've looked into teaching crochet, though that's stalled a bit, and I'm talking to a veterinarian about shadowing one of her techs for a while to see if I might be interested in that. She intimated that there might be a job opportunity in the future if end up choosing to do that. I might look into becoming a doula or lactation consultant. There are so many opportunities available to me, so many paths open and I really want to take full advantage of it. I feel like with the new year, I can really have a new slate: I want to be healthier, eat better, exercise more, and all the cliche resolutions, but I also want to finish more projects, experiment with cooking more, take G to see all the things that are here, and learn to accept and be happy with myself. I'm the worst at goals. I thought posting them here would help keep me accountable, but really, I forget and slack off and get caught up in the busyness of life. So I'm not going to set time limits or definitive checklists of goals, but there is going to be change. Good, big change.

There are pros and cons to anywhere you move, and sometimes it's hard to see the pros for the cons, but overall I feel so hopeful for this new year. There are so many opportunities for us here, and I feel like this year is going to be fantastic for our entire family! I can't wait to see what's in store for us, and to continue watching G grow up into who he's going to be.

New Year's meal of fried okra. Photo credit: Anne Bailey

October to December

G's first birthday party was a blast! James and I completely forgot the camera, so I'll have to get some photos from my mom, but it was awesome! G's godparents, James and I spent hours cutting out all the decorations, and my dad sacrificed unburned fingertips to hotglue the water bottle labels on. G's godparents were amazing: they organized the whole thing, from invitations to getting balloons, to the cake and the adorable little cards that identified the food. The theme came together wonderfully, and I think the room at the church ended up looking great! The original plan had been to have the party at our house, but all our stuff was in boxes, so that idea was scrapped. Another friend loaned us a high chair since we didn't have one, and G had a BLAST squishing and smashing his cake! Godfather got it for him; that particular cake from that bakery is a tradition in his family, and we felt honoured to be included in that tradition.

We left the next day and spent 4 days driving to Alabama. Four days of 10+ hours in the car with a one year old aren't fun, trust me. Seven states, lots of fussing, hunger strikes, complete meltdowns (not all from G) and uncomfortable, interrupted sleep with a cranky baby in the bed and we arrived at camp. The house wasn't quite ready for us when we arrived, and we're still working on getting things done, but slowly it's coming together. G's room is almost unpacked and we just got 4 huge wardrobe boxes out of our room, making it feel like more breathing space. We got the Christmas tree and lights up, and now that all the boxes are in the den instead of the living room, it feels a bit better. After I finish G's room (mostly packing up baby things he's outgrown) I'm planning on tackling the ridiculous number of books we have to unpack (at least 12 boxes). They'll go on our shelves in the den. Pictures will follow when the place is a little more put together and the dining room table isn't a complete disaster.

It's been interesting. Everyone keeps saying it must be a real culture shock for me, but it doesn't feel all that different; just a lot more fried food. It's always hard to move, but because I don't know anyone in the area and have no way of meeting people, it's been very difficult for me. We ended up putting G in daycare so I could work on unpacking, but we haven't been happy with it and are in the process of moving him to a new one. I hate moving him from one to the other because he's had a bit of a rough time adjusting but there was just something that made me uneasy about the first place we went. The place he's going isn't my first choice either, but after being asked if I could take him home on our second day because they were understaffed and finding out that they were closing three extra days before New Year's due to being understaffed, I felt like it was time to get him somewhere else. Since we'll be here for registration next year, it'll be easier (yes...I have to register my >2 year old for daycare, and we're currently on 3 waitlists...ridiculous).  I think the hardest part for me is that I can't even find an Irish or highland dance class, and I'm really missing that part of my life. I'm planning on starting yoga, and I've had a few vague job prospects as well. Michael's was looking for a crochet teacher, but they're so busy that they haven't taken the next step they need to complete, and in January I'm going to start shadowing a vet/vet tech to see if that's something I'd be interested in doing. So eventually I'll be more settled, but right now, all I have is a house that needs a lot of TLC.

Overall it's been good. James loves his job and is already making great progess: his first event, Winter Woods, consists of 3 mini camp sessions for middle schoolers, high schoolers and young adults, and he already has over 50 middle schoolers registered, with more on a waitlist. This is a huge improvement from the 12 people they had last year. I'm so thrilled for him because he's finally doing what he really loves and feels called to do. He's very much in his element and I know that he'll continue to do great. We've found a sitter, and were able to have our first "just us" date night in I honestly can't remember how long. We went to a Mexican restaurant (pretty good), had margaritas ($3.99 and it wasn't happy hour!!) and saw the movie Frozen. 

Other news:

-G has molars coming in. One is in completely, and I just saw/felt the other 3, plus the cuspids. Teething hard right now!

-FIRST STEPS! He's been walking assisted since about 10 months, and had just graduated to only needing to hold on to one hand, but he finally took his first independent steps between me and James the other day (12/15), and he was already so confident! 

-G regularly refuses to let me feed him, and is getting better with his spoon. Almost all his meals require a spoon, though he disagrees, and I'm finally giving in to the mess :)

-I started watching Doctor Who, and I'm really enjoying catching up! I should be there by Christmas for sure! 

-G has been sleeping through the night regularly since starting daycare. Maybe it's because they do one 2 hour nap a day, or maybe just because he was at that point, but we are so grateful!

-I have been posting the patterns I've come up with on Ravelry, and not only have people downloaded the free ones, but I've also sold one of them twice! It's not much money (less than $2), but it makes me happy that someone liked my pattern enough to purchase it!

-G's first time trick or treating was this year. We only stayed out about an hour, and he was carried, but I think he had fun. I know I did! We ended up with a lot of non-candy items, and apparently it's a thing here to give those to the really young ones

-Our professional one year/holiday photos came back! They couldn't be more awesome! Here are my favourites: {Credit: Alison Conrad of Alison Kay Photography}