Disneyland

When I tell people I want to go to Disneyland or DisneyWorld, they always tell me to wait until my kids are older. If you have told me this, I'll try to put it gently: this is when I want to slap you. My kids aren't the reason I want to go to Disney. I want to go to Disney for ME. I love Disney. I love the fantasy, the movies, the songs, the rides, the food. So when my parents suggested Disneyland while we were in California I jumped! OF COURSE.

It was our second trip to Disney with kids. Our first had been right before G's first birthday, and had been a success, in my opinion. We met Mickey, went on a few rides, saw World of Colour, and I even rode my favourite ride (Indiana Jones). This trip went even smoother despite the addition of a second child. Ainsley was only 6 months when we went, so she was even more flummoxed by the sounds and sights than G had been the last time. But G. Oh G was old enough to enjoy himself this time. It was SO much fun to see him enjoying the rides and meeting characters and exploring.

Here's what we did:
-Realized we had no SD card in the camera and were held hostage for one on Main St
-Grabbed pins!
-Went to the firehouse and played on the horse drawn fire engine
-Rode the train to Toon Town (no room left on the Lille Belle car) This was by far G's favourite part. He was so excited to ride on the train and hear it whistle. It was so fun to see his face light up.
-Met Pluto. G loved getting hugs from Pluto.
-Met Mickey. G enjoyed exploring the house while we waited in line, but got really shy when actually confronted with Mickey.
-Played in Toon Town, exploring all the vehicles and the jail.
-Headed to the teacups, which he had a BLAST on. James and I (with Ainsley strapped to me) rode in a teacup with G, while my parents were in the neighbouring one. G loved looking for them and spinning around and around. PS: I am super proud of myself for managing to nurse A in the ergo while we were in line.
-Rode the carousel, which was closed last time. G had fun, and my dad wore Ainsley, though I'm pretty sure she slept through her first carousel ride.
-Stopped for lunch, and G crashed in the stroller. So we had a grilled cheese that wasn't eaten, but oh my gosh, he was so cute because he just curled up in the stroller to sleep.
-Went on Dumbo. I stayed off the ride; 5 people doesn't split up well. James rode with G, and my parents rode together, with Dad carrying A.
-Met up with my little Joy and her boyfriend and another friend of theirs as we stopped for snack since someone was hungry. Not surprising, since he didn't eat lunch. We got him a hot dog and I got my delicious cream-cheese filled pretzel. YUM.
-We all rode the train to Toontown again, and went on Small World. G seemed mesmerized by it, but I enjoyed riding it with him.
-Joy and her friends had to go afterwards, though we saw part of  the new parade. G enjoyed seeing Donald Duck.
-We decided to head toward Jungle Cruise, which was RIDICULOUSLY busy! It took forever to get through, but everyone seemed to enjoy it. G obviously didn't get the jokes, but he did seem to enjoy the boat ride, the people laughing, and the surprises (like the hippos)
This is where my mind goes fuzzy on what happened when.
-We went on Pirates of the Caribbean. We waited for a front row seat for G. Incidentally, I was wearing A and we found out that when I wear her, we count as two people, so James and my Dad sat with G in the front and my mom and I were behind them. And we all got splashed. G seemed to enjoy it, though he was a smidge freaked out by the drops. James said he grabbed on to him, but he wasn't scared enough to say anything, and seemed to enjoy them by the end.
-We ended up in Downtown Disney for dinner at the cajun place. Definitely not where I thought we were eating, but the shrimp and grits were good. And yes, I traveled halfway across the country only to eat traditionally Southern food. I recognize the irony.
-We were planning on leaving after dinner, but G fell asleep in the stroller again, and A was perfectly happy to be sleeping on my Dad's chest, so we decided to take advantage of that, and James and I got to ride on Indiana Jones, and the new Star Wars, which was awesome!
-We headed home on the bus, which G loved :)

Firetruck

Train time!

Pluto hugs

Pluto

He was totally shy in front of Mickey

In front of the castle

Waving at Daddy

Being silly

Hugs

Train again! With his "looking eyes" on

Worn out

Mother's Day

Mother's Day. What a holiday it's become. My own mother never really wanted to celebrate it; a combination of the commercialization it's gone through and the joke that you should appreciate your mother every day of the year. Here's a pretty good summary of the history of the holiday, which began as a religious response to the carnage of war: click here!

Fast asleep at lunch

We did make it to church, and no one threw up this time, which was wonderful. We were late, which for some reason meant that there was no room for us to sit after dropping G at the nursery. If I had been church shopping, I would've left and never come back, to be honest. As it was, I guess the usher convinced some people to scoot because after about 10 minutes and seating a group that came in after us, they found seats for us. They didn't do anything special for moms, but they had this Rite 13 graduation, which is a program that I still don't quite understand, despite James' explanation. It's not confirmation, but the graduation ended with a renewal of baptismal vows and they kept saying the children were now entering manhood and womanhood, which also makes no sense because it's for 7th and 8th graders...not exactly adults yet. Apparently that's why it was so crowded!

Fingerpainting

We went out to lunch afterward, and G was so tired that he fell asleep in the car and stayed asleep when we pulled him out. Now mind you, it sounds like G always sleeps in the car, but in reality, G usually screams; he hates being restrained and the car seat is the worst, despite us having turned it front-facing now. He stayed asleep for about half of lunch, and the restaurant gave me a rose! G was pretty fussy by the time we left because, yet again, his nap had been interrupted. We headed home and he was wide awake, so he played and I worked on some knitting. We pulled out the fingerpaints I'd gotten him and played outside for a while, but he wasn't much of a fan. I don't think he liked the paint being all over his hands. So we got one picture, and paint all over the deck and all over G, but it was worth it. He ran around outside, but got upset when we tried to make him come in, which resulted in a major tantrum. When he wasn't showing a sign of calming down, I picked him up and gave him some juice.

Naptime!

He definitely calmed down. So much so that he fell asleep for a full nap on my chest, which is a rarity these days. Baby Girl was kicking up a storm; maybe she was a bit squished. It was so nice to be cuddled up on the couch with him on my chest, and the dogs next to me, and I fell asleep too. When we woke up, I had some ramen, which made me happy (not so good without the hot sauce) and G made a mess of his toys. We actually got the shepherd's pie into the oven and had dinner by 6. G is turning into a bit of a picky eater. This time, he wouldn't eat anything except for the peas and corn kernels when they were pulled out separately. By the time James and I had finished eating, I guess he got hungry enough to try it though. He still wouldn't eat the mashed potatoes, but he ate the beef mixture, no problem.

Pippin braved his flailing for some kisses

A bath and he was ready to go down. We're weaning off the night time bottle slowly, so he's down to about 1.5 oz at night. It helps him calm down a bit, but I'm hoping we can be done soon. He seemed to go down without too much fuss, but when James got home he woke up and really started crying. After about a half hour I went back in and tried to put him down, but he woke up again, though this time he only cried for ten minutes before sleeping. Again, I checked on him before we went to bed, and had to pick him up off the floor again.

James had brought me chocolate covered strawberries, which were delicious and I spent the evening working on the duplicate stitches. Of course, I discovered the eyes weren't even, so now I've got to redo one of the eyes. Because I'm a perfectionist like that. James thinks I'm crazy, but I know it'll bug me. It was a nice night and we just got to relax together before heading to bed.

All in all, it was a perfect mother's day. G throws tantrums of course, but that's the age he's at: learning to deal with frustration and other emotions. It wasn't a very busy day, and it didn't seem like we did anything special, but I got to work on my knitting and spent the day with my family, which is exactly what I wanted.

Picasso at work

I'm actually a little sad it all washed out of the onesie

Out!

Being Honest about Motherhood

There is a notion out there, propogated by the media, social networking sites and nostalgia/romanticising, that motherhood is natural, and easy. This is society's biggest lie. It almost feels like a taboo subject to be writing about, but motherhood is HARD. It is by far the the hardest thing I have done in my life; harder than moving cross-country, harder than labour, harder than saying no to ramen.

Being a mother is amazing and I wouldn't ever change my decision to have a baby. My heart could almost burst when G runs up to give me a hug or a kiss. Watching my little man sleep and listening to his soft snores melts that same heart. There is nothing like the love you have for a child. It is trite, but it is true--it's a love you can't understand until there's a child in your life. And on those days when you are confident, you are on top of the world and nothing can stop you or bring you down.

But there are difficult days too. There's two types of difficult days: baby-centred and mommy-centred. Baby-centred difficult days are those days when your child seems determined to be a hellion. These are the days you wonder what past transgressions merit this form of penance (I know mine, I was a babysitter's terror). Today was one of those days for us. G woke up in a foul temper and had three tantrums before we even left the house, tried to kick me when I attempted to put his shoes on, refused his milk and his medicine then screamed the entire way to school. Those days are tough, but you're dealing with a little person who is trying to figure out this whole life thing and has even less to go on than you do, so you can take a breath and count to ten and (usually) keep your temper.

The really hard days, the worst days are the ones that don't have anything to do with your babe's behaviour. They're the ones where you doubt yourself. The ones where you've convinced yourself that your child hates you and your partner resents you. The days you're absolutely certain that you are the worst mother on the face of the earth. I think it happens more than anyone will admit. I know I certainly don't advertise it when I have a day like that, and they happen more than I want to tell anyone.

The media we're bombarded with every day doesn't help. I read a quote about comparing your life to your facebook friends'; it's like comparing your behind-the-scenes with everyone else's highlight reel. There's a lot of truth to that, but it's hard to see when you're having one of those really crappy days. It's hard to remember when you see that mom's photos, you know the one: her child always smiles, never throws things and she still has time to make creative bento box style lunches. Green looks good on me, right? Pinterest is quite possibly the worst. My ideas on there have hardly ever been attempted, let alone completed, but pinterest makes it look like every mom spends her afternoons in creative, educational pursuits with her two year old who can speak three languages, while the baby is on a perfect nap schedule and sleeps 12 hours a night. Instead, I try to convince myself that the third episode of Jake and the Neverland Pirates will actually teach G good manners and contemplate ordering in dinner for the third time that week.

It's hard. Motherhood is hard. Anyone who tells you otherwise 1) has never been a mother or 2) has an abnormal changeling for a child or 3) should just be sainted for their patience already. Some days I don't know how I'm going to make it through. Some days I feel like I've got this motherhood thing down pat. Some days I want to curl up in bed and cry and some days a hug from my little man makes me feel like I could take on an army. In the end, I think we're all doing our best to raise our kids. There's been a lot of talk about moms not judging each other, but to be honest, I don't think that's the problem; some of the best support I have is from other moms. The mommy guilt isn't going to diminish until the media stops handing us the image of the perfect mother like some extravagantly wrapped gift.

So here's my mommy truth. I drop off my son at daycare in pyjama pants. I almost never get dinner on the table before 8 pm. My son sometimes runs out of clean socks and my living room hasn't been vacuumed in weeks. My name is Emmi Lawrence and I am an imperfect mother doing her damnedest. 

15 Months

We've officially got a toddler on our hands! G is toddling around the house and at daycare all day long, even running at times. We managed to get his first steps between James and I on video, and in the weeks since he has improved exponentially! His balance is much better, and he can stand and walk for longer periods of time. Socks and rogue blankets on the floor still trip him up a bit, and he's had one or two bad tumbles, but I love seeing him toddle around the living room. He's adorable, and he is so thrilled with himself for walking. Sometimes he'll stop and laugh and clap!

We've also switched day cares. He is so much happier at the new place; he's still a bit clingy when I drop him off, but he's so much happier and I can already tell it's a much better fit for him. It's so nice to see him smile and laugh when I pick him up instead of start crying. It's just a much better situation all around, and he's been sleeping through the night pretty steadily, with a small hiccup due to a nasty cold, which has left a lingering cough.

Alabama itself is beautiful. We've had two good thunderstorms and plenty of rain. I'd enjoy the rain more if it didn't flood the area by the wood stove (don't get me started on the house repairs) but it's been lovely to listen to the rain with a cup of tea at night. Despite the chaos of not being able to unpack yet, we did get Christmas up; we had our decorated (artificial) tree and James even put up lights on the house!

Christmas was great! Our nephew, Evan, was born on his due date 12/21, and I can hardly wait til we're able to see him in person. Until then, I've been cooing over the pictures on facebook! We had a small, relaxed Christmas with just the three of us opening the ridiculous amount of presents G had. He was so tired he almost fell asleep in his high chair for the second day in a row! James and I spent his nap assembling a cozy coupe car just to find out we'd done it wrong, and fought for a least an hour to disassemble the two incorrect wheels and reassemble it. He loves it though and will get into it on his own :)

My parents were able to come out the day after Christmas and stay through New Year's. We spent 6 days at camp for the winter sessions, called Winterwoods, which seems to have gone really well. Moving into camp is a bit of hassle with all the STUFF (and that's not including cooking things that are lacking in the cabins) but it was a good test for summer. We had a blast showing my parents around and crammed a lot into very few days. I was glad they got to see Beckwith and stay in the cabins with us, and they loved being able to watch G get better at walking and even talking (he says "Look!" now!)

There have been a few rough patches. Ever since we moved I haven't been able to eat anything without getting nauseous. I figured it was my normal stomach upsets until I had to sleep upright in the recliner one night because I was in too much pain if I laid down. Turns out my gallbladder was only functioning at 18% and I had to get it out. The recovery has gone pretty well, but more on that next month.

G is right on track according to the doctor. He says "this" all the time lately, sometimes asking "What's this?" "Dada" is said a lot, though it seems to apply to many different things, and he says something that sounds like "og" or "oggy" when he sees the dogs. He loves to play, but he's very independent. He'll bring you various things, but his favourite toys are a play kitchen GranGran and Granddaddy got him, the tinker toys from Grammy and Gaga and his cozy coupe car from his uncle, which he loves to crawl into while drinking his bottle and watching TV. He's been drinking from sippy cups regularly at day care, and doesn't take toys from other kids, though he gets very upset when his toys are taken from him. He's napping for about two hours from 11:30 and has a pretty good routine down. He's not doing very well at restaurants lately, unfortunately, and I'm not really sure what to do about it. He does well for about 15 minutes, then he's done. I think that's because that's about how long it takes him to eat at home, and we're usually so rushed that our dinner isn't ready or even cooked until after he's asleep. We've gotta get better at that. His tantrums are currently silent, but he goes kinda limp on the floor and you can't move him anywhere or get him to do anything. I hate it, but the best thing is to usually just walk away and let him decide he's done. For now, I'm just loving watching him toddle around whatever room he's in. He loves being mobile!

October to December

G's first birthday party was a blast! James and I completely forgot the camera, so I'll have to get some photos from my mom, but it was awesome! G's godparents, James and I spent hours cutting out all the decorations, and my dad sacrificed unburned fingertips to hotglue the water bottle labels on. G's godparents were amazing: they organized the whole thing, from invitations to getting balloons, to the cake and the adorable little cards that identified the food. The theme came together wonderfully, and I think the room at the church ended up looking great! The original plan had been to have the party at our house, but all our stuff was in boxes, so that idea was scrapped. Another friend loaned us a high chair since we didn't have one, and G had a BLAST squishing and smashing his cake! Godfather got it for him; that particular cake from that bakery is a tradition in his family, and we felt honoured to be included in that tradition.

We left the next day and spent 4 days driving to Alabama. Four days of 10+ hours in the car with a one year old aren't fun, trust me. Seven states, lots of fussing, hunger strikes, complete meltdowns (not all from G) and uncomfortable, interrupted sleep with a cranky baby in the bed and we arrived at camp. The house wasn't quite ready for us when we arrived, and we're still working on getting things done, but slowly it's coming together. G's room is almost unpacked and we just got 4 huge wardrobe boxes out of our room, making it feel like more breathing space. We got the Christmas tree and lights up, and now that all the boxes are in the den instead of the living room, it feels a bit better. After I finish G's room (mostly packing up baby things he's outgrown) I'm planning on tackling the ridiculous number of books we have to unpack (at least 12 boxes). They'll go on our shelves in the den. Pictures will follow when the place is a little more put together and the dining room table isn't a complete disaster.

It's been interesting. Everyone keeps saying it must be a real culture shock for me, but it doesn't feel all that different; just a lot more fried food. It's always hard to move, but because I don't know anyone in the area and have no way of meeting people, it's been very difficult for me. We ended up putting G in daycare so I could work on unpacking, but we haven't been happy with it and are in the process of moving him to a new one. I hate moving him from one to the other because he's had a bit of a rough time adjusting but there was just something that made me uneasy about the first place we went. The place he's going isn't my first choice either, but after being asked if I could take him home on our second day because they were understaffed and finding out that they were closing three extra days before New Year's due to being understaffed, I felt like it was time to get him somewhere else. Since we'll be here for registration next year, it'll be easier (yes...I have to register my >2 year old for daycare, and we're currently on 3 waitlists...ridiculous).  I think the hardest part for me is that I can't even find an Irish or highland dance class, and I'm really missing that part of my life. I'm planning on starting yoga, and I've had a few vague job prospects as well. Michael's was looking for a crochet teacher, but they're so busy that they haven't taken the next step they need to complete, and in January I'm going to start shadowing a vet/vet tech to see if that's something I'd be interested in doing. So eventually I'll be more settled, but right now, all I have is a house that needs a lot of TLC.

Overall it's been good. James loves his job and is already making great progess: his first event, Winter Woods, consists of 3 mini camp sessions for middle schoolers, high schoolers and young adults, and he already has over 50 middle schoolers registered, with more on a waitlist. This is a huge improvement from the 12 people they had last year. I'm so thrilled for him because he's finally doing what he really loves and feels called to do. He's very much in his element and I know that he'll continue to do great. We've found a sitter, and were able to have our first "just us" date night in I honestly can't remember how long. We went to a Mexican restaurant (pretty good), had margaritas ($3.99 and it wasn't happy hour!!) and saw the movie Frozen. 

Other news:

-G has molars coming in. One is in completely, and I just saw/felt the other 3, plus the cuspids. Teething hard right now!

-FIRST STEPS! He's been walking assisted since about 10 months, and had just graduated to only needing to hold on to one hand, but he finally took his first independent steps between me and James the other day (12/15), and he was already so confident! 

-G regularly refuses to let me feed him, and is getting better with his spoon. Almost all his meals require a spoon, though he disagrees, and I'm finally giving in to the mess :)

-I started watching Doctor Who, and I'm really enjoying catching up! I should be there by Christmas for sure! 

-G has been sleeping through the night regularly since starting daycare. Maybe it's because they do one 2 hour nap a day, or maybe just because he was at that point, but we are so grateful!

-I have been posting the patterns I've come up with on Ravelry, and not only have people downloaded the free ones, but I've also sold one of them twice! It's not much money (less than $2), but it makes me happy that someone liked my pattern enough to purchase it!

-G's first time trick or treating was this year. We only stayed out about an hour, and he was carried, but I think he had fun. I know I did! We ended up with a lot of non-candy items, and apparently it's a thing here to give those to the really young ones

-Our professional one year/holiday photos came back! They couldn't be more awesome! Here are my favourites: {Credit: Alison Conrad of Alison Kay Photography}

This Poem is AMAZING

A sorority sister of mine wrote a poem about motherhood and it is so amazing that I have to share it with you all.

I swear, even after reading and rereading it dozens of times, it brings tears to my eyes because it is so true.

Sometimes, when your baby has been screaming and irritable and almost bitten your finger off or pulled your hair out, it's hard to remember what an amazing blessing you have. Sometimes, when you just want to relax or go out to a movie without phoning twelve different people to babysit, it's hard to see just how wonderful being a mother is. Most won't admit to this, but I think that we've all felt that way. Whether it's realizing that your stomach will never look the same again, or trying to chase down that phantom poop smell, motherhood is hard and a HUGE change, no matter how prepared you think you are. BUT, and this is a MAJOR BUT, despite all the things that aren't picture perfect, it's amazing. Having your babe crawl into your lap just to be with you, getting those messy open-mouthed kisses, hearing them call your name or giggle when you make funny faces at them, even just watching them knock over the blocks you've built up at least 24 times...it's amazing. It melts your heart. There's nothing like it in the world. You think you know, you think you're prepared for it. YOU'RE NOT. It's SO MUCH BETTER, even the stuff that's difficult. Especially the stuff that's difficult.

And that's what this poem is. It's perfect. Here's the link for the original:
http://double-d.tumblr.com/post/63100693343/if-my-name-wasnt-mama

And here's the poem itself.

"If My Name Wasn’t Mama"

My fridge would be full of Chardonnay, not apple juice

My Google search history would be “shoe sales,”

Not “why is my baby pooping out full blueberries”

I would never have to know what oral thrush was

I’d eat more entree salads and a lot less half frozen chicken nuggets

Sleeping in on the weekends would be followed up with breakfast in bed

I wouldn’t have to use the hem of my shirt to wipe a runny nose in a rush

Or question the mysterious brown stain on my new work slacks

My car keys would never be found in the toy box after already running 20 minutes late

Phone calls  would last longer than 60 seconds

And my breasts would still hang where they should

I wouldn’t know the feeling of sweet-smelling baby breath on my neck

His hand wouldn’t reach out for mine when he meets someone new

The sun wouldn’t shine from the lilt in his laughter

I couldn’t listen to him talk to himself in his sleep and

No more 2am warm hugs after a bad dream woke him

I would not be able to whisper-sing “Hey Jude” into the blonde wisps of his hair

Or teach him what trees are or what sound a cat makes

I wouldn’t know the depths of his hazel eyes or the curve of his smile

Someone else would be called “Mama”

He wouldn’t be my little boy

If my name wasn’t Mama, I don’t think I’d like it very much

By Danielle Donaldson, posted on tumblr 10/4/13

Follow her tumblr: http://double-d.tumblr.com/